What will yours say??

Several weeks ago I took my kids to San Diego, a promised trip before the dreaded school year began.  As always we sat on their Dad's memorial bench and ate breakfast, then we drove out to Point Loma to the National Cemetery where their Stayer Grandparents are buried. Both memorial spots are always moving to me...remembering the loved one but also reminding myself that LIFE IS SHORT!  I know it may seem weird to some, but if you ever want to be inspired go to a cemetery.  Spend some time reading the headstones. We did this time.  We walked up and down the rows, respectfully reading the last lines written in someones honor.  Read these!  It invites the question...what will yours say???

I don't want to be morbid but think about it, we spend a lifetime that will be summed up in one line.  What will yours say, what will mine say??  What am I spending my life cultivating? What are other people, the ones who will write the line, seeing as important to me?  Does my time reflect the things I value?  Does my life reflect my heart? Proverbs 27:19 "As water reflects the face, so one's life reflects the heart."  Funny, I did not see one stone that said, "Full bank account", "Super clean house", "300 hours of PTO never taken" .  :) 

We get one shot at this!  Yes I said one.  "Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgement..." Hebrews 9:27  Maybe what is more important than the one line, is to think about that day...judgement day.  The day I will leave this earth and stand before God and give reason for why I should spend eternity in heaven, believe me you don't want to spend it in hell as some joke about.  The beauty in the truth of the Bible is, I don't have to have even one line, one sentence to sum that up....it come down to one word, one name...Jesus!  The rest Hebrews 9:27 says, "...so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him."   "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:13 "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to man by which we must be saved." Acts 4:12

So while you are spending a life cultivating what your headstone will say...call on, believe in the one name that will assure your forever home...your eternity.  Then perhaps your stone can rightfully say....

Head vs. heart

   Yesterday was one of those days....
The days that have the moments that contain the reasons why I work where I do.  Did ya follow all that!,  :). I have struggled A LOT with the transition of my career. It has stretched me way more than I thought it would!  There have been several days where I have driven home in tears wondering, "what have I done to my life?!"  But then there are moments like yesterday......and I am reminded Who called me into this profession and why.

My friend called me into her room...somewhat embarrassed because she didn't really have a "legitimate" reason to summon me.  Yes she did!!  She wanted to talk and this was to be a God appointment!  You see she has BIG decisions to make, life altering-life ending choices, the kind you never want to face, but probably will someday....and she wanted someone to talk to.  I'd say that is legit!!   For the next hour I sat, listened, laughed and shared with my friend.  Reminded of how simple life really can be, all the things we worry about, get angry about, fight about....really don't matter when it comes down to moments like these.

My friend reminded me of the vow I took on October 29, 2002...the vow to never forget and to live each moment, each day as if it could be your last.  "Live like you are dying" is a great song!  And I have seen in lived out in many lives.  Oh how different this world would be if we lived this way!  Road rage would cease, overtime would be rare, estranged relationships would heal,  divorces would decline....if only people realized how short life really is!  We live like we have forever to correct things,to change ourselves,to live differently.....where do we get that idea from??  Any day, any moment that can all change!!  If we could just get that, truly get that BEFORE we are handed the "pink slip" saying our time is up, this world would be different, our lives would be different!

Another thing we talked about was how different death looks when you don't fear what happens afterwards.  Don't get me wrong, death can still be hard work when it doesn't happen suddenly...but you can have peace, true peace about where you are headed.  The perspective changes everything when facing your own mortality.

The equation is elementary my dear friends...
You sinned (yep I know!....actually the Bible told me..."all have sinned and fallen short" Romans 3:23) + God's grace and love ("but He,Christ has appeared once for ALL...to do away with sin by the sacrifice of himself". Hebrews 9:26 and "everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through His name" Acts 10:43) = eternal life! heaven .....("whoever believes shall not perish but have eternal life" John3:16)

Keep it simple!  Remember Jesus himself said it takes faith of a child!  Oh but the path from the head to the heart can be so treacherous and long!!  Keep it simple!!  You believe in a lot of things you cannot see!  You believe in a lot of things that you do not have all the answers for or completely understand!  Why make faith in a LOVING, kind, gracious God any different?  Move it from the head to the heart!  Believe He loves you!!  Believe He died and paid for ALL your sins!  Believe He accepts you just the way you are!  Accept the gift, it's FREE!  And have peace that your eternity is taken care of!!  

Oh I hear you!  "Christianity is so narrow, so exclusive". Yep Jesus did say, " I am THE way", indicating there is only one way to heaven.  But He also said, "God so loved the WORLD that He sent His son, that ANYONE who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life" john 3:16....."EVERYONE who calls on the name of The Lord will be saved" Romans 10:13. Pretty inclusive I'd say!!  Those are big words, big promises made by a BIG God!  I think we can take Him at His word!  In fact I'd base my life on it and even more my death on it!  How about you?

Move it from your head to your heart! Keep it simple!

Day One

Do you have any idea how many "Day 1" s I have had over the last 12 years???  You don't really want to know!!  In AA counting days is very important...I came to learn that because of someone in my life years ago.  You earn chips or coins as you add days as a way of celebrating progress. I have had many days one's....day one of a new diet...day one of a new exercise regime...day one after breaking up with a boyfriend...
I hate day one!!  It always seems to be the hardest.  Breaking of bonds or old routines is ALWAYS hard.  Each day can bring new challenges and new separation anxiety from the past, from how we knew things to be.

This week I had another day one...Day one as an RN!
Tomorrow I will actually care for patients as an RN...Day one on the Unit I have been hired to work on for the next year.  God greeted my Day 1 with this beautiful sunrise!  The perfect word picture for my emotions and for the change in my life. The last 12 years have been TOUGH for me and my children.  Tough financially.  Tough emotionally.  Tough physically.  Just tough!!  By God's grace and through His strength we have endured and I truly believe we are headed into a new Era.  I am beyond thankful for what God has done in my life over the last 12 years!  I am beyond thankful for what He will continue to do in my life and the lives of my children.  He has promised to turn my grief into joy and to use ruin, ashes and the  heartaches in my life to produce something for HIS glory.  I believe He has and will continue to do that!

Please don't ever give up on Day 1...or any other day before you reach the goal which God has placed before you!  I earned that badge one day at a time!!  God spoke to my heart and led me into nursing school...trust me, where HE leads, HE provides!!  I will always bear testimony to that!!  God doesn't care about what seems impossible, after all He created you and I out of dust and a man's rib.  God doesn't pay attention to statistics, after all He fed over 5,000 men with 2 loaves of bread and 5 fishes!!  According to many...there was NO way to work full time and make it through nursing school.  According to stats, my children shouldn't be successful, honor roll, productive, caring, kind considerate children after suffering the tragedy they did so early in their lives and without a Dad in their lives. According to many, I should have or was expected to suffer an emotional breakdown, after watching my husband suffer and die, then watching my Dad suffer and die, then raising 4 babies on my own.  Hear me now...

BUT GOD

I may have

BUT GOD!!

I didn't!

His promises are true!

His strength is real!

His presence is breathtaking!!

Does that mean life doesn't hurt?  HA!  

Does that mean only sunshine from now on for the Stayers??  HA!!

I have already cried myself to sleep one night this week....change is hard!

I have already faced challenges getting that badge and the pay that goes with it!

I have already felt great anxiety over all that I have to learn and the responsibility that goes with it!

 

BUT GOD!!

Has proven Himself faithful!

BUT GOD!!

Walks with me when I am afraid...and every other time!

BUT GOD!!

Provides where He leads us!

His mercies are NEW for every day...whether it be a day one or year 12!!

Selah!!

Sit quietly, pause and think on that.... :)     

    

Reflections from 2014

2014 began with the following verse..." And so we know and rely on the love God has for us." I John 4:16.  And so began a year of seeing heart shaped things all over the place, reminders to me to focus on God's extravagant love for me.  What did I learn by focusing on that all year?

God's love for me is sacrificial.  John 3:16

God's love for me reaches beyond the heavens. Psalm 36:5

His love NEVER fails. Psalm 6:4, Psalm 107:8

His love endures forever! 1 Chronicles 16:34, Psalm 107:8

His love for me is an example of how I should love others. John 15:17, Ephesians 4:2-6, 1 John 4:19

Nothing, NO THING can separate me from God's love for me!   Roman 8:39

God IS love, it is not only His character, it is completely who He is. 1 John4:16

God's love completes me. 

"This is how we KNOW what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us...dear children let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3: 16,18

One of the biggest events and biggest struggles of 2014 was the marriage of my daughter.  Don't get me wrong, I was VERY happy for my daughter and her new husband.  They are a great couple and trust me they will change the world that surrounds them!  But for me it brought BIG waves of grief, unexpectedly.  After 12 years you would think....um NOT.  I had many pity parties...they were grand in nature!  I stomped my feet and got mad...this is NOT the way I had planned my life and my daughters wedding!!!  I was supposed to walk through this time of transition with my husband....her Daddy was supposed to walk her down the isle and dance the "Father-daughter" dance with her...
Instead....I watched my daughter walk down the isle with her brother, do the dance with her father-in-law, and experienced the hurt of my first child leaving home alone....okay not alone.  My family and closest friends knew my pain....as much as they could.  My Savior walked through it WITH me.  He knew the deep pain, He caught my many tears and lifted my head and gave me the strength and energy I needed.  There is NO other companion, encourager, listener, lover of me like my God!!! 

2014 ended with an unbelievable bang!  As I sat in a stadium full of people, surrounded by those I have struggled with, cried with, suffered with for 20 months...I sat in a surreal moment in time....the completion of another college degree...this one SO different from the last.  This one is truly a calling by God.  Unlike many I graduated with, I hadn't dreamed of being a nurse since childhood...this represented an adult calling by God in my life.  It also represents God turning ashes into gold in my life.  I have lost, I have been brokenhearted, I have experienced sickness and death with the dearest, closest men in my life....God says, "I have plans for you Pam!  With MY strength, MY power, MY words, MY touch, MY story GO....touch lives, share MY healing...complete healing not just physical, make a difference in the lives around you...and this is how...back to school."  REALLY God???  REALLY??  How??  Blah, blah, blah...you can guess my excuses!!  At the close of this chapter of my life and looking towards the next...One of the biggest lessons I have learned and wished I could/would ALWAYS rest in, is this: if God calls you to do something, walk through something HE WILL PROVIDE!!  His provision is abundant!!  Was 2014 an easy year for me???  NO!!!  I struggled, cried, yelled "WHY ME?"...but I have grown tremendously!  I am not the same person I was last year and I have only God to thank for that!  To know and rely on the LOVE God has for you will change you!  He IS love, He is faithful and He will walk with you to the finish line no matter what the trail look like!